MAY ‘21 - MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH
I’ve been trying for the past 30 days to think of what to write about for mental health awareness month. I always post something every May but I haven’t had the energy to. The thought in the back of my mind was constantly “How can I post about mental health and not even be taking care of mine? I don’t want to lie and pretend.”
This month was probably the most challenging and toughest May I have ever had in my life. From the start of 2021, if I’m being honest, life has been a rollercoaster of emotions. My past traumas that I never had the chance to deal with were emerging no matter how long and how much I’ve tried to burry them. My catatonic episodes increased again— I had to go on medical leave for winter and spring quarter at FIDM and my depression/disappointment increased. I felt ashamed. I was going so strong in my first quarter back to school, this time pursuing the major I really wanted to. I felt completely devastated. I felt like I had tried everything already that could lead me to the path to success. I was tired of getting back up and trying different ways to get better. I started feeling just like how I did in my first few years of college, hopeless and discouraged. I was scared to think that I was back to where I started. I questioned myself, my goals, and my purpose. I blamed myself and took it as a reflection of who I am.
The relationship we have with ourselves tends to be so circumstantial. You feel so much progress and improvement for some time, and then one day you feel like you don’t do enough, so then you decide that you’re weak because you had the one day. But is it fair though? It’s not fair at to all to treat yourself with such conditional love that you discredit yourself completely. When we’re going through the toughest times, it’s hard to give yourself the credit or the acknowledgement that you made progress. But would it be any different if it was someone you love? Would you discredit them too? We’re supposed to treat people the way we want to be treated. Maybe it starts with giving yourself the way you deserve to be treated in order to do the same with others.
No matter what mental condition you’re experiencing. No matter what the stigma is. No matter how much society makes you feel like it’s your fault that you’re going through this. No matter how many negative thoughts you have about yourself. Society may not show you this, but you deserve to be treated and understood like you would be to someone you love.
We go through our challenges and grow from our stories, yet it is so hard to go through life adding more stories on top of what you already have. We’re constantly trying to find the perfect version of yourself that has grown from everything you went through.
But the most freeing thing is realizing that you’re no longer striving for perfection. In fact you welcome imperfection, because that’s the thing that helps you grow stronger.
